walking throughout Woodland Park Zoo today, my friend and I noticed the unique wonders the animals seem to possess.
shape, the texture and length of an animals coat, their expressions, God they are walking art pieces, they are beautiful, they are we. it moved me to tears to think of their captivity, they are so far from home. do they like it there? do they even know the difference between a few inches of earth and miles and miles of more? I felt really sad today and my friend said to just be me and not worry about making her feel comfortable. she is a special person, this friend. so, when I would moarn for their loss, she sort of felt it too and yet knew I could not dwell on it too long. my dear friend, walking that tight rope with me, so dear.
I do sound morose, don't I? well, it's where I am at some days. and others not so much. yesterday, I wrote about the green wonders of plants. that joy is still with me. but so is the pain of loss. I can't and won't let the pain be buried, it just has to be present with me. I accept that. I know that I can not hide from it. My dear Lord is with me. I know that too.
a film is playing now, here in my apartment, "Truly, Madly, Deeply". I first saw it at the San Francisco Film Festival with my mum. it's a really poignant, deeply moving film about the death of a partner. the main character mourns with such passion, totally uninhibited. I haven't seen it for such a long time and felt it would be good to see now. thank you Netflix. at times, I feel pain but keep the wailing within. I don't want to make anybody uncomfortable, including myself?
how is it possible to be sad and still have "chacah"?
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